Mindfulness Imagination Fayre 7: How We View Depression is Wrong

 

Welcome to Mindfulness Imagination Fayre 7, which has seen so far through this pandemic and I hope is offering glimpses of light in the darkness. 

I want to talk about darkness. 

When depression is discussed, either at home or in a surgery or on some talk show, it is seen as something that is wrong in our society and wrong in people who 'suffer' it. You go to the doctor and you are prescribed pills to remove the symptoms of depression. You talk to your partner and fear creeps in about what you could do, how low could you go. Expert psychologists and learned mental condition experts repeat the dangers of depression, the stresses and strains that it puts on the person and the immediate family; how it upsets work/life balance, puts your life on hold. 

Depression is wrong. We are frequently reminded.

I have a theory, purely based on my own experience with my depression and how I now use mindfulness to come to terms with it, that my depression is not wrong, it is a part of me that I don't want to lose.

I am beginning to think that the dark stuff and the emotions that the dark generates are just as important to me as a whole as the light. I may have to go through periods when I consider suicide or harm, where I struggle to find meaning and energy, but I am more aware now that those are periods of my life and not my whole life. They are windows of black just as night must come after each day. By recognising that this is but some brief episode, its power is not so strong. It does not pull me in like a suffocating black hole like it used to. 

In my own crass and pop culture way I liken it to the end of Return of the Jedi when Luke must face off with his father *SPOILER ALERT*. He has to channel his anger and make it good, in that he uses the power of the dark side to over come the demons and then return to the light. He used that energy for good, turning the dark into light. 

Is there not something in that for us? You know, me and you who have depression or perhaps we have something else. Perhaps we have a deep emotional connection to the world around us and it makes us feel sad and happy in the extreme. I believe that behaviour that does not suit our society is where many of these so-called mental disorders generate from. Some who have bi-polar have extreme behaviour, such as shopping sprees, and when it happens they are told it is the wrong way to behave and they must do something about it to never allow it to happen again. I think that is making the behaviour worse. 

When we are young behaviour is excused because we haven't matured. When we are old behaviour is excused because we are eccentric. When we are in the middle we must all behave exactly the same way or risk being classed as mentally ill. Is that right? Am I missing the point?

We are all rich and emotional human beings who react to different scenarios in different ways based on the unique way that we think. 

I cry at the end of E.T. I feel that emotion and when I hear the music I well -up. I acknowledge that I have acute emotions that mean I take offence easily, or get upset in an argument easily, and tend to feel guilt very easily. I don't want to take pills because I feel that anymore. I want to understand that it is ok for me to feel that and not be a burden on others. It is that guilt that sends us crashing, it is the reaction caused by judgement that de-presses us, that is the problem. Finely tuned emotional people are not.

So I ask if there is another way to how we view depression? Because the current mode is not working. Is it so wrong to feel something, however strong that feeling is?

Zac Thraves is a mindful practitioner, writer and performer.         Mindful Imagination Fayre is a show that is on hold and will soon be an online course. 

My book, The Self-Harming Pacifist, is coming soon. 

SPIKED IMAGINATION SERIES:

How to Focus instead of Anger - We are Heroes

We are all HEROES. 

I don't mean that we all have to wear boxer shorts over our tights, or that we have to flap around in colourful capes or carry special weapons like shields. But in essence we are all heroes. We are all on our own journey of discovery.

My name is Zac, and I am a mindful practitioner, writer and performer and I have depression. Sometimes it is very strong, sometimes it is mild, sometimes it would seem to not even be there at all. Yet it hums away in the background, perhaps recharging it's battery for the next round, until...

DING DING

...we fall into the next scrape between good and evil.

 

 The things that I have learnt over the years I have collated into a book, which I will soon publish online. In the meantime, my Mindful Imagination Fayre posts are designed to give a little hint, a pointer, hopefully shine a light of hope in the darkness for those of you who have to live with the illness that is depression; an umbrella term that holds many symptoms. 

If you are able to hold in there, and for me transcendental meditation has been key to my awakening from the darkness, then I would class you as a hero. But I want you to remember one thing, you have to do this, no-one can do it for you. There are no hero stories out there where the hero gets someone else to achieve their goals. Like Ben Kenobi said in The Empire Strikes Back, 'if you face him you must do it alone, I cannot be with you'. 

Face the fear, and defeat your demons. It takes bravery and it takes time, but you are worth it, aren't you? 

I want to go over anger, which is like a deep pea-souper that overwhelms the senses. Picture those old images of Victorian London awash with cloud hanging just above the cobbled streets. That is an image of anger. When you can't see clearly, you can't focus on what lies ahead. You walk blindly into situations with no control over your reaction or the reactions of others. Anger is blind and that is why I am always amazed at how angry drivers are. It would seem that every day on my commute to work I encounter at least 1 angry driver, who not only puts the life of the people around them at risk, but also their own. What is so important that they do that they need to terrorise the streets? 

I'm sure this happens everywhere, and while this may be a little off-topic rant (see my video linked below), I feel it worthy of inclusion as anger is a deep emotion that erupts from something inside that has not been dealt with. 

Mindfulness gives you space to see yourself in a non-judgemental way; by meditating you gift yourself a little time to allow that process to unfold. 

In my workshops and shows (soon to be online), I offer some modern meditations that cater for the busy lives and trends of our time. It is not about sitting in the locus position and humming, it is about channeling in to you and listening to your heart and soul. It sounds simple, and I wish it was. 

I also wish I was infallible and practiced what I preach, but I am human and humans fall into patterns of behaviour learnt way back. Humans make mistakes, and I make mistakes because I am human. You know what? That's called life and I refuse to allow it to manifest into a stick to beat myself with. Another thing I have learnt after years of self-harm. 

Angry drivers make mistakes and if any drivers are reading this who drive 2 feet away from the car in front or over take at any given opportunity I want to say this: unless you are a doctor or fire officer or police officer or brain surgeon or heart surgeon, what's the rush? Ditch the anger, put some music on and chill. You will feel better, the journey will take as long as it takes and traffic is not something you can control, so don't try to. Focus on what is important and use that energy from your anger to change your world, perhaps change the world, do something positive with it instead of putting fear and hate into others. 

No-one likes a tailgater.

My video here gives you an insight into my Fayre, my world, my ideas and where I  come from. After years of worrying that I am odd, eccentric, quirky or not quite ready for this world I have come to one conclusion: I am me, I am Zac Thraves and this is my world. 

My Books -